If, after watching the first five minutes of Shutter Island, you don’t know exactly how it’s going to end, then you haven’t seen enough movies, or even a good episode of The Twilight Zone. Unlike a movie such as The Sixth Sense, wherein knowing the ending actually improves the narrative, knowing the outcome of Scorsese’s latest botch-job makes getting there an agonizingly dull chore. Ill-conceived, amateurishly executed, interminably long, and mindlessly pointless, the movie cobbles together wretched red-herring flashbacks and a redundant ending so redundant in its redundancy that it’s redundant. It even falls back on anagrams! By the time we witness the “shocking relevation” we’ve already known it for two freakin’ hours.

Easily the worst movie I’ve seen this year…. and I’ve seen Valentine’s Day!